'the think ing tree' n. A place that one can go to in order to reflect; a quiet, nurturing, life-promoting environment that encourages one to pay attention to both external and internal landscapes; a place that facilitates one to live a conscious and deliberate life. Akin to 'tree house'.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

The Sun (Mary Oliver)

Have you ever seen
anything
in your life
more wonderful

than the way the sun,
every evening,
relaxed and easy,
floats toward the horizon

and into the clouds or hills,
or the rumpled seas,
and is gone-
and how it slides again

out of the blackness,
every morning,
on the other side of the world,
like a red flower

streaming upward on its heavenly oils,
say, on a morning in mid summer,
at its perfect imperial distance-
and have you ever felt for anything

such wild love-
do you think there is anywhere, in any language,
a word billowing enough
for the pleasure

that fills you
as the sun
reaches out,
as it warms you

as you stand there
empty-handed-
or have you too
turned from this world-

or have you too
gone crazy
for power,
for things?


 

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

A crisis of conscience

Last June /July the Beloved (tB) and I went to Mongolia to do a horse trek, but also to work in an orphanage camp for 2 weeks. Two weeks was SO not long enough. I cried when it was time to leave.  I've always been very aware of poverty but being there in it was such a challenge to my 'western world' sensibilties, seeing the poverty first-hand was unforgettable. And I absolutely loved it! The kids were amazing. The housemothers were tireless and generous and very tolerant of each of their ten children. (There were 10 kids per house mother, three housemothers, and the Beloved (tB) and I. That's it. No one but tB and I spoke any English... ) We worked harder than we have in years, were in a constant state of exhaustion. At the same time I loved the challenge to my materialistic tendancies. I look around my house right now and cringe at my obvious wealth by comparison. I now know what it is to only have two bowls to have to do so much with (cook, clean, wash clothes, wash 30 kids). I must have 50 or more 'bowl type recepticles' in my kitchen that would have helped improve our circumstances amazingly back at that camp. I could have sold my soul for this bit of tupperware...



When I first left the camp I felt really fragile and angry at the inequalites and injustices of this precious world. I observed fellow westerners complaining about the coffee and wanted to slap them silly.  But I've slipped back into the same patterns of thinking now I'm back in my familar environment.  This is not a new dilemma, but I feel so overwhelmed by the contrast. I don't feel 'guilty' for living in such a privileged world; but I DO feel this enormous sense of responsibilty. Who am I to take for granted such amazing opportunities and wealth we have in the western world? I could have just as easily been born as an orphan in Mongolia.  I'm not so special just because I wasn't...So it's a moral issue for me. By western standards tB & I are no Bill Gates'. We both work shiftwork to pay the mortgage and if one of us lost our job we'd be in trouble. But, for the moment we have the wherewithall to work hard and pay the bills.  We give regularly to charities. We are respite foster parents. We try to be generous with our time, energy and finances. We're always busy, always tired. But I still have this drive that I ought to be doing more- it feels nowhere near enough...  But I don't know what more to do.

This dilemma today has me focusing on how to justify all the 'stuff' I have.  And all the extra 'stuff' I want to obtain. Consumerism is such a compelling drug - what is it about that heady feeling of wanting some object and getting it??  Why do I need 50 tupperware containers? Usually I really don't actually need the thing I'm desiring, whatever it is. I glory in it for an hour or two, a minute or two; then it goes back to how it was before. Perhaps it's about the act of possessing, a security or comfort against uncertainty or maybe it provides a sense of worthiness or priviledge... I love beauty and prettiness and whimsy. (And storage.) I don't think this is wrong or bad; there is a precious quality in handmade objects and in a home that is created with richness and creativity. I'm just not sure how to live in that place between these two extremes....It feels like they're opposite ends of a continuum.

So the question I'm asking myself today is: how exactly do I live with integrity, in a western world whilst knowing of these profound inequalities?